“This is the single most important concept of mindfulness,” Marchand says. “Autopilot always wants things to be different. So the only way out of the autopilot trap is complete and total acceptance. We need to acknowledge our current feelings -- and then relax with them.”
We then need to develop an awareness of which thoughts are beneficial and which aren't. This is one of the most important keys to change.
“We need to ask ourselves if our self-talk is making us feel good or bad,” Ballantine says. “The answer to this question will help you know which direction you want to keep perpetuating.”
But we don’t want to blindside ourselves with too much tough love. In other words, it’s essential to acknowledge these thoughts with an attitude of compassion.
“From compassion, love arises. And this includes love for the self,” Marchand says. “It’s easy to beat ourselves up when we notice negative thoughts, but what good does that do? You wouldn’t like it if someone pelted you with negatives. So why would you treat yourself this same way?”
Once we have committed to an attitude of compassion, we then can redirect. One way to do this is through compassion meditation. This creates a sense of inner peace and acceptance.
“To practice compassion meditation, sit for about five minutes with your focus on compassion itself,” Marchand says. “Begin by focusing on your breath, and then move into a meditative state. Use a mantra, which is a word or phrase repeated during meditation. A great way to start is by saying ’May I be happy…May I be healthy…May I have peace.’ This takes the mind to a more positive, self-accepting place. And don’t fret if your mind wanders. That’s just a part of meditation.”