When you’re engaging in your next act of intimacy, be sure to avoid these five pleasure pitfalls. During sex, it’s never OK to:
Act Distracted.
When you’re in a long-term relationship, sex can become a little repetitive. And even for couples who focus on keeping the passion alive, there will be nights or mornings when your mind just isn’t on the task at hand. But thinking about your meeting schedule for the day, planning out your errands or trying to remember whether you packed your child’s backpack are definite no-no’s. Even if you think you’re good at hiding it, your lack of focus will be obvious to your partner and will lead him or her to believe that he or she is boring or unattractive to you. And while you may have a compassionate and understanding partner out of the bedroom, the perceived rejection in bed can lead to some serious relationship tension.
Beat the Bust
Sex is the most intimate bond a couple can achieve -- shelve your to-do list and focus on the person you fell in love with. Making eye contact is a great way to focus on your partner and get lost in the moment. Those other things you were thinking about can wait.
Let Sex Become Routine
The only sex routine you and your partner should have is making sure that it happens. According to a Newsweek survey, married couples report that they have sex an average of 68.5 times per year, which is slightly more than once a week. And up to 20 percent of married couples say they have sex less than 10 times per year, which experts define as a sexless marriage.
According to psychotherapist and author M. Gary Neuman, based on a survey of 400 married women, the difference between women who are happy with their marriages and those who are unhappy comes down to the frequency of their sexual encounters, rather than the quality of the sex itself. However, that’s no excuse to let things get stale. Repeating the same five moves is more likely to lead to “headache” nights when you or your partner aren’t interested in just going through the motions, which leads to a slippery slope.
Beat the Bust
Communicate with your partner about how you can spice things up (and sitting down and having a heart-to-heart may not be the best way to go about it, because you could damage an ego when your partner thinks things are going well). Instead, leave flirtatious notes or send a sexy text message during the day, letting your partner know you’re attracted to him or her and in the mood. Try pushing boundaries and making an effort at a quality, romantic evening.
Pressure Your Partner.
Embarrassing moments in bed can make for some of our most priceless stories once the humiliation has worn off. However, pressuring your partner into doing something that they aren’t comfortable with is not funny, and will likely lead to resentment or distance in a relationship. Just like getting stuck in a boring sex rut can damage a relationship, so, too, can pushing a partner to try things that are uncomfortable for them.
Beat the Bust
While trying new and adventurous things in bed can be fun and exciting -- and can lead to you learning quite a few new things about even a longtime partner -- you should always ask how the other person feels about something new, and never, ever pressure them if you sense that they are uncomfortable or unhappy.
Just Lie There.
Maybe you’re tired. You were up all night with the baby or you had a stressful week at the office. But one of the biggest complaints voiced by both men and women alike is that they feel that their lover didn’t make an equal contribution during sex. No one wants to feel like they’re doing “all the work” because it makes them feel like their partner isn’t engaged and interested in them. Even if you’ve communicated about how exhausted you are or how you have an early morning, your lack of effort won’t go unnoticed, and it will have a negative impact on your relationship.
Beat the Bust
Even if you don’t have the energy for a marathon of love-making, be responsive to your partner while you’re in the moment. Show him or her that you’re attracted, aroused and interested in what’s going on.
Allow Interruptions.
There are going to be exceptions to this rule: you can’t ignore a crying baby for long, and if an emergency call comes in the middle of the night, chances are, it’s important enough to answer. However, interruptions, like distractions, send your lover the message that he or she isn’t important enough to deserve 100 percent of your attention and attraction. Never sneak a look at your phone to see if you’ve gotten new texts, Facebook alerts or Tweets. Don’t sneak peeks at the TV. And don’t answer a call from your girlfriend or buddy mid-coitus.
Beat the Bust
You know your weekly routines better than anyone. While it is possible to sneak in a quickie while the baby is napping, carve out some quality time together when you know you’re least likely to be interrupted. And turn off your phones, TV and other distractions. Focus on enjoying each other, making your partner feel sexy and special, and remembering how attractive you find him or her.