The uncertainty of a life-threatening illness brings about thoughts and emotions that can feel unbearable. You may try and try to run from reality, only to find that you can’t. That in itself is exhausting, and then the cycle repeats.
This is why education, acceptance and support are key to emotional survival. In short, you can’t -- and shouldn’t -- face your illness alone. You need guidance and understanding from others who know what you’re going through.
Emotions: What to Expect
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), a new diagnosis is filled with a range of emotions. First, you may feel distressed. And when you try to internalize what has happened, emotions may darken. For example, the APA says that diabetics may feel guilt or shame, which is normal.
Grief and denial also will occur, blurring the line between reality and fictional thinking. And, of course, you’ll feel angry and sad – perhaps simultaneously. This roller coaster can be tumultuous as emotions fluctuate. However, you will probably feel calmer as time passes.
One of the most important goals should be to learn to cope, but knowing how to do this can be confusing. The APA says that facing the diagnosis head on is your best bet. In other words, try to cut through denial and get to the root of the problem. This will help maintain overall emotional health.
According to the APA, a study focused on women with breast cancer found that those who actively dealt with the diagnosis were better adjusted three years later than those who didn’t. And in another study, researchers concluded that inner peace and satisfaction were achieved in a greater manner for those who actively looked for support and made an effort to cope.
Finding Support
But how do you find support?
Experts say that building a support network is all about reliability. You need to find people who will be there for you when the going gets rough and people who will listen to what you need as opposed to what they think you need. After all, you may not want 30 days of meals delivered to your door or to see visitors when going through treatments. That said, you also may need tough love. If you’re depressed, visitors might be a good thing.
Surround yourself with optimistic people. It’s easy to find negative people, but when facing a life-threatening diagnosis, you need people who can bring a positive attitude. These are the people who will call you just to say hello without putting unnecessary pressure on you. They’re the people who will watch your children if you need time to be alone.
Outside Sources of Support
You will want to find a therapist or psychologist who is trained to help you deal with exactly what’s going on. Plus, they’re impartial, so they’re not going to give you fluffy responses that friends or family members may give. They’re going to help you to cope with what’s going on so you can live in the healthiest manner possible.
It may help to look for online support. This is a way to be able to connect with someone at all times. If you’re up in the middle of the night worrying, you will be able to post what you’re feeling. You might even be able to chat with someone live via messenger.
A great way to find an online support group is to use healthfinder.gov. This website, provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, lists resources to find both online and in-person support networks.
However, remember to exercise caution in the online world. Predators seek out those who are ill to scam them. Don’t give out any financial information or send money. And do not give out phone numbers or e-mail addresses.
You’ll also want to find an in-person support group. This is a great way to connect with folks who are going through exactly what you’re going through. You’ll make new friends who you can meet for coffee or chat on the phone with when you need support. Plus, you’ll learn how to deal with your illness in a proactive and healthy manner.
To find an in-person support group, you can do a simple Google search. Just type in your illness, the words “support group” and the name of your town. For example, if you have breast cancer and you’re from Chicago, you’ll do a Google search with the keywords “breast cancer, Chicago, support groups.”
Ask your health care provider about support groups, and call local hospital information lines for references. Most large hospitals have support groups to deal with patient illnesses. Plus, many of these are linked to strong, national groups.
But what if you find out you are dying and that you only have a certain amount of time to live? This, too, can become a reality when you’re facing a life-threatening illness.
Facing a Terminal Illness
According to Hospicenet.org, your first step in this situation is to accept that what is happening is real. This is how you will learn to live in the face of a deadly illness. It's shocking at first, but in time, you will accept this reality -- first with your head and then with your heart. At this point, you will learn to live in the moment as opposed to the future.
Experts say that you will search for meaning in life and second-guess what you know. You’ll ask questions and delve into countless fears and hopes. Your diagnosis may even cause you to change your life's course. This is normal. Discovering that you are dying naturally makes you take inventory of your life.
Plus, you’ll respond to mortality in many different ways -- from denial to hope and many other emotions. That said, don’t let others tell you how to feel. Your emotions are yours and yours alone. You have the right to experience them. If you want to talk, talk. But if you don’t, that’s OK, too. However, opening up will allow the support you need to surface, and it will come in unique and unexpected ways. Just make sure to tell your loved ones what’s going on when you’re ready.
At the end of the day, remember that you are not alone. Yes, you’re scared, and you have reason to be. But support and guidance are available to you -- right here, right now. All you have to do is ask for it.