Anger is a frustrating emotion that can wreak havoc. Not only is it stressful, but it also can mask our ability to see a situation with clarity. As a result, we may shut down or snap, depending on our natural response to situations that make us upset.
The thing is that there are better ways to deal with anger than freaking out or shutting down. In truth, anger can be turned into a productive emotion with a few simple changes. All we have to do is change the way we view and react to anger itself.
There are many great reasons why adopting new behaviors is truly life-changing.
Learning to deal with anger constructively can “save face” when it comes to maintaining difficult relationships that we have no choice but to maintain, like with a frustrating boss or in-law. And it can help us to approach anger in a different way, which may lead to a completely different outcome in the long run.
Next time you’re so angry you want to snap, consider these four ways that you can actually turn anger into productivity. You’ll be surprised just how positive this emotion can become.
Calm down.
Allowing anger to control you only hurts you. This is why you’ve got to cool off a little when anger starts to arise. Anger can be productive. But as Lifehacker.com reminds readers, it can’t be beneficial until you calm down.
Roger S. Gil, Lifehacker contributor, says that this begins with taking a look at what he calls “intentional relaxation techniques.” For example, he suggests focusing on and tightening your hands with a goal of exerting 75 percent of your strength for five to 10 counts. Next, breathe deeply, and do this for one to two minutes until your anger begins to lessen. This will help you to get a grip so that you don’t impulsively overreact.
Gil also suggests breathing both deeply and slowly while at the same time focusing your attention on something nearby, like a spot on the wall. Try a distraction exercise as well. Taking a brief drive or engaging in your favorite hobby are both great options. You can even exercise to distract yourself or write in a journal to get your feelings out. (But in the process of journaling, make sure you don’t repetitively think about your anger. That’s counterproductive.)
The key is to engage in one of these types of activities when uncontrollable anger arises. This can both calm you and help to take your mind to a better place. As a result, you’ll gain clarity and a renewed sense of rationalization.
Communicate with others when you’re angry.
According to Greater Good, the expression of anger can be started with the “discomfort caveat.” This means communicating that you are filled with strong emotions and that as a result, you may not be able to communicate succinctly.
Apologize to those you are angry with ahead of time. However, this apology is not for your emotions or actions, but for the difficulty that you may experience in expressing your thoughts. Your goal in doing this is to avoid putting the person you are communicating with on the defensive.
Once you do this, you can open up about why you’re upset. Just make sure to do it as calmly as possible. Try to think about what you’re going to say instead of using emotionally charged statements that may harm your cause later. You may have every right to be angry, but you also owe it to yourself to communicate responsibly.
Take heed when making self-statements.
Gil says that it’s important not to make unproductive self-statements. For example, avoid statements like: “I need to get rid of my anger” and “Why can’t I be less angry?”
Part of this process lies in realizing what you can control and what you can’t. You can’t control what someone else does, but you can control how you react to it. So don’t give all of your power away by spouting off in the wrong manner.
Make an effort to slow down your mental pace and don’t act impulsively. Try to envision the pace of anger itself. Take a minute to reflect so that you don’t respond too fast. This will increase the choices for how to deal with the situation at hand. Gil compares this to playing chess in that you want to think twice about your moves -- and the moves of your opponent.
Make a change.
Another thing to consider is why you’re angry in the first place. According to For Dummies, anger may reflect the state of how you view your life in general. This means listening to what you say to yourself about yourself.
Are you feeling unloved? Are you feeling powerless, or like a pushover? Try to determine the answers to these types of questions. Anger can give you a snapshot as to the issues that you struggle with in life so that you can make a change. This is why For Dummies says that you should ask yourself, “What is my anger telling me about me?”
Further, allow anger to fuel change. For Dummies notes that fear is often an inhibitor when it comes to making a change in general. As a result, we don’t change anything until we are angry enough to make a move.
To make a change, For Dummies suggests asking, “How can I renew my life through constructive anger?” Finding out the answer to this question can clarify which path you should take to make changes that benefit you in the long run.
Next time you’re angry, remember these important tips. Turning anger into productivity is all about making better choices in dealing with anger itself. You can use anger to improve your life -- you just have to make doing this a priority.