“I’m fat,” she says, as she begins sobbing.
You don’t understand. She’s not fat. In fact, the doctor recently told you that she’s the perfect weight for her age. So why has this belief even entered her mind?
What you don’t know is that the pressure that kids put on themselves in the way of body image is a whole different ballgame than the attitude that you grew up with. Nowadays, kids are obsessed with weight and appearance.
According to Heart of Leadership, 80 percent of 10-year-olds fear being fat, and the same amount have gone on a diet.
But it doesn’t stop there.
Thirteen percent of girls between the ages of 15 and 17 have an eating disorder, and teens in general are dissatisfied with their looks. In fact, the Heart of Leadership reports that more than 90 percent of teens between the ages 15 and 17 want to change something about the way that they look, which is most often their weight.
The scary thing is that statistics show that young girls fear fat more than the scariest things in life, like nuclear war, cancer or even losing parents. This shows that building healthy body image isn’t just important -- it’s crucial.
According to Womenshealth.gov, a lot of factors can influence a child’s body image. One of the most important is how moms view their own bodies and eating in general. In other words, she’ll most likely learn to think the same things that you do.
For example, the website reports that one five-year-old girl said that dieting means that you can’t eat. Imagine that! These ideas usually come from the mom’s behaviors, and moms usually aren’t aware of the consequences. This is because kids are like sponges, picking up simple actions and attitudes that we don’t think about. If moms are obsessed with weight, kids may be, too.
Weight gain that occurs during puberty can affect body image. If girls pick up the wrong beliefs about puberty, body image can be compromised. This is why it’s essential to explain to your child that changes in her body are normal. She needs to know that these changes are good -- and that they’re natural.
Self-esteem is another thing to be aware of. Issues with self-esteem, combined with peer pressure, can cause a child to obsess about a certain type of appearance. In turn, this can harm body image. Look for these signs and combat them with positive messages that reinforce girls' sense of self-worth.
Know that that the media can play a part in this concept. When kids see the glorification of extremely thin women, they adopt this value system. It’s your job to teach your daughter how to view the media and how to separate a healthy view of her body from a negative view.
Explain to her that not everyone is built thin, like Twiggy, and that her body is beautiful just as it is. Help her to learn to see the media for what it is -- an advertising-driven effort. Educate her as to how airbrushing and Photoshop work and how the pictures of models are usually manipulated to reflect a certain image. She won’t know that at a young age unless you teach her.
Further, refrain from negative comments regarding food, weight and your child’s body in general. Tell your child positive things about her body and her life. Build her up instead of tearing her down. This will limit obsessive behaviors in the way of food and weight.
Encourage your child to eat in a healthy manner. That said, allow her to eat what she wants. Adults with binge eating disorder sometimes say that a parent’s limiting messages about food early in life led to food becoming a forbidden support system. You want her to have a good relationship with food and not a secretive one. This is a preventive action that fosters a well-rounded relationship with food choices.
Communication is also key. Tell your child that she can talk to you about body image at any time without the fear of rejection or criticism. This will help harbor a healthy body image that will last throughout her life. Nothing should be shameful or hidden. The last thing you want to do is to make her feel embarrassed of her thoughts.
Part of this process involves educating your child about the fact that all bodies are different. According to Kids’ Health, this means teaching her that her body is strong and healthy. Show her that it is capable of many things and that her shape doesn’t dictate how much she is worth. We’re all built differently, but kids may not understand this concept unless we teach them.
Also, make an effort to teach her about positive self-talk. Teach her to refrain from judging herself. Remind her that appearance is just one aspect of life, and that what’s important is what comes from within. Teach her to find the positives in herself, no matter what other kids say.
Kids’ Health says that a great way to do this is to learn to teach your child to give herself compliments. Tell your child to give herself three different compliments on a daily basis. And at night, encourage her to write down three things that she enjoyed during the day. This could be as simple as a great recess or fun time spent with friends. This reinforces good things in life that do not revolve around appearance.
And make it a point to teach your child to be tolerant of others. This will prevent bullying. For example, you don’t want your child to judge another child who has a physical deformity. You want her to see that child as a typical person, no matter how he or she looks on the outside. This shows her that it’s important to treat everyone with respect, no matter what they look like.
If you do suspect concerns about how your daughter views her body, talk to a professional therapist or counselor. Eating disorders are a serious thing that can develop from low self-esteem and body image. Your goal is to try to prevent these types of behaviors from developing.