So many aspects of life, from relationships to work to personal behavior, can have a negative effect on your mental health and cause maladies such as depression and anxiety. Here are five ways you may be chipping away at your mental health – without even realizing it.
Being Too Hard on Yourself
When you're your own worst critic, then it's easy to fall victim to mental illness. Whether it stems from a sense of guilt or failure or simply anxiety about not measuring up, holding yourself to a higher standard than everyone else then beating yourself up for not meeting unreasonable expectations is a perfect recipe for poor mental health.
There are two kinds of guilt – one is helpful, keeping a sense of morality and atonement in check. This is the kind you might feel when you've harmed someone else. When the mistake is accounted for, compensated and everyone involved can move on, this can improve relationships and increase self-esteem.
But if you're berating yourself for having a nicer lifestyle, more money or other advantage over someone else, guilt can be harmful. So can feeling guilt about thoughts and feelings you don't act on or articulate, like jealousy over a friend's new love. Allow those feelings, but be sure to account for the things that bring joy to your own life.
Making comparisons to others' lives and achievements can be detrimental and lead to feelings of being unable to measure up, plus jealousy, low self-esteem and unrealistic perfectionism.
Here are a few ways to hold yourself to a more realistic standard:
Give credit where it's due – Perhaps your efforts didn't achieve the results you desired, but you gave it your all. Don't chalk the effort up to a complete failure.
Coulda, shoulda, woulda – Don't focus on alternative outcomes; deal with the one you were given and take a compassionate approach – no black-and-white thinking here.
Set realistic time limits – Perfectionists may procrastinate or fall victim to checking and rechecking their efforts. Allow yourself enough time to meet your goals to your satisfaction. It's OK to ensure that you've completed them, but over-examining goals can delay efforts.
Lack of Sleep
In today's busy world, many people likely think of their shuteye time as a luxury, but nothing could be further from the truth. A 2013 Gallup poll found that 40 percent of American adults get less than seven hours of sleep – the recommendation is seven to nine hours. And they know a few more ZZZs would be beneficial – the same study found that 67 percent said they would feel better with more sleep.
It's not simply a matter of having that foggy feeling or risking a catnap in a board meeting. There are real mental health implications of lack of sleep.
“Sleep affects everything,” says Diedra L. Clay, PsyD, chair and associate professor of the counseling and health psychology department at Bastyr University, “emotional and mental capabilities, as well as our bodies’ functioning. Sleep is our body's way of regenerating, and without it, the system malfunctions.”
Those 40 winks – more or less – function like a "reset" button for the brain. During certain sleep cycles, the brain classifies and "files" what was learned during waking hours and enables the brain to retain the information after waking. That explains the feeling of being unable to concentrate and the "fog" that descends on the mind the day after a sleep-deprived night.
Those who suffer from depression may find it difficult to sleep; conversely, those who suffer from sleeplessness are more prone to depression. A 2005 Sleep in America poll found that those who were diagnosed with depression and anxiety were more likely to get less than six hours of sleep per night.
Being Sedentary
Working up a sweat regularly can do more than help you fit into those skinny jeans. The endorphin rush people talk about after working out is real. Endorphins are neurotransmitters that interact with pain receptors in the brain, suppressing them and creating that great feeling, much like opiods, which function the same way. That's a natural high you can enjoy risk-free.
Hitting the gym or simply a regular brisk walk a few times a week staves off depression as well. It doesn't have to be anything too strenuous – simply getting your body moving will do the trick.
For people who suffer from depression and anxiety, finding the motivation to exercise can seem impossible. But its benefits are immeasurable, from stress relief to social interaction. Meeting exercise goals and feeling better about appearance can provide a much-needed self-esteem boost. A new JAMA Psychiatry study found that just three sweat sessions a week reduced depression risk by 19 percent.
And instead of unhealthy ways of coping with stress and depression, such as overeating or drinking to excess, exercise is a much more beneficial outlet.
Technology
"You talkin' to me?"
With all the nonverbal ways of communicating, like texting, email and social media apps, the answer to that question these days is, "Not likely."
The fact that people don't tend to talk much over the phone or face to face is unfortunate. While a text may impart needed information, it can't convey emotions properly and in real time. And the personas people maintain on their social media platforms are often vastly different than their real lifestyle. It's easy to compare oneself to a neighbor, friend or colleague who seems to "have it all." But we can't make assumptions without having the full story – not just the one they provide sanitized for Facebook.
Michael Mantell, Ph.D., a behavioral sciences coach based in San Diego, says, “Personal electronics (like smartphones) have also impacted attention, demands for immediate gratification, and expectations that the press of a button can lead to instantaneous connection."
Those "instantaneous connections" can happen anywhere, anytime, taking valuable attention away from the people and experiences that people should be witnessing – without needing to record the moment by taping it or taking snapshots. Bastyr University researchers found that stronger mental memories occurred when people put down their smartphones to experience the moment instead of worrying about keeping it for posterity. They found that the more pictures taken, the more difficult it was for participants to remember the actual events.
Bad Company
It's bad news for your mental health if you don't love the ones you're with. Toxic relationships can sap mental health almost more than anything else.
Whether it's a romantic partner, workplace bully or a frenemy, these people can chip away at self-esteem, causing you to second-guess decisions and goals. For example, a narcissistic partner may shift blame and accountability onto his or her partner, fostering feelings of inadequacy, manipulation and a lack of empathy, among other negative emotions. A partner in the throes of addiction may need an enabler who feeds off the attention she or he gets for allowing the addicted partner to continue his or her lifestyle without treatment. It's worth considering cutting ties if a partner is abusive, selfish, unavailable, needy or possesses any other character flaw that chips away at your well being.
Workplace bullies have gained attention in the media recently and for good reason. Full-time employees spend at least one-third of their weekdays at work, and that accounts for a lot of unhappy time if someone is making it miserable. It's one thing to have a bad day at work if someone snaps at you. It's entirely another thing if negative behavior is systemic. Many suffer in silence, which is detrimental.
The Workplace Bullying Institute estimates that 54 million workers, or 35 percent of U.S. employees, have experienced bullying at work. A study published in Management Communication Quarterly found that people sometimes don't even realize it's occurring. “Previous research has linked it to depression, anxiety, and increased sick days,” lead study author Stacy Tye-Williams says. “It causes this constant state of pins and needles.”
A workplace bully will:
· Establish a pattern of nasty behavior
· Conspire with other coworkers to "gang up" on the subject of the bullying
· Gossip
· Attempt to establish feelings of superiority – bullies are often supervisors
It's tough to navigate a workplace bullying situation, depending on the job and its dynamics. “If the problem is your supervisor, it’s especially tricky, of course,” Tye-Williams says. “What’s important is understanding the organization and the dynamics that are specific to your workplace, so you know who it’s safe to tell. But you also have to have a clear story before you do so.”
A great way to do this is to document everything. Save and print emails, texts and other correspondence, and tell a trusted colleague or supervisor. Sharing the story also may help coworkers band together if they realize the behavior extends to all of them.
Psychologist and mindfulness expert Melanie Greenberg sums it all up: “The best way to start feeling better about yourself is to notice the automatic mental and emotional habits that don’t serve you well and find more self-compassionate, life-affirming ways to think and behave."