Maybe you didn’t get that sought-after promotion. Or perhaps you were passed over for the raise you wanted. You might have even gotten your heart broken by a friend or loved one.
There’s nothing more frustrating than having your heart set on a goal that falls through. But disappointment is a part of life -- no matter how unfair the situation seems.
This is when coping tools are essential. The worst thing you can do is bury your disappointment, only to have it surface later on. You’ve got to take the lemons you’re given and make the best batch of lemonade possible.
Take a look at these four ways to deal with -- and overcome -- disappointment.
- Let it all out
- Put it in perspective.
- Try to accept the situation at hand.
- Keep moving forward.
Moving past disappointment means venting frustration in a healthy way.
The first is the old-fashioned method of physical exertion. Head to the gym with the goal of letting off steam. Climb on your favorite piece of cardio equipment and go to town. Or run on a treadmill, outside or on a track. The point is that you’re getting out your frustrations.
If exercise isn’t your thing, there are other methods of dealing with disappointment. The next thing you can try is the “screaming in a pillow” trick. When you’re alone, grab the first pillow that appeals to you. It could be a couch pillow or a pillow you sleep on at night. Now hold it up to your mouth and let it all out. Scream and scream and scream into the pillow. You’ll be surprised at just how much better you feel.
Your third option is a less-private one. Choose a trusted girlfriend who isn’t involved in whatever situation has disappointed you. Meet up with your pal and set a timer for 15 to 30 minutes. Your goal is to vent your heart out. But ask your pal to refrain from crosstalk. This is your chance to get your frustrations out. She can then give you feedback once the timer has gone off.
When it comes to dealing with disappointment, it's important to gain perspective on the situation. This is why Psych Central advises against making important decisions right after a disappointment has occurred. Wait until you’re calmer.
In other words, try not to take it personally. “So many of us are all too ready to attribute negative life events to our own personal failings. We say that we deserved it, or attracted it to ourselves or were not ‘good enough’ to have a different outcome,” Sophie Henshaw, D.Psych., tells Psych Central. “The reality is, life will simply do what it does, whether you are there or not. In this instance, you happened to be present during the event, which actually had nothing to do with you.”
Instead, Henshaw suggests taking a perspective of detachment. Don’t make the given situation all about you. It’s OK not to know why something has happened. This will add perspective in general.
Part of dealing with disappointment is being present for whatever curve ball life has thrown us. After all, acceptance is one of the most important keys to healing.
According to Tiny Buddha, one of the dangers of disappointment is that emotions can overwhelm us, causing us to shut down. We may start to blame those around us or get stuck in the loop of ruminating on the disappointment itself. But this is when we must practice acceptance.
For example, Tiny Buddha says that you must continue to be disappointed to move past it. That’s what acceptance is all about. You’ll fall and then get up again -- and you may go through this over and over. However, this too shall pass.
Disappointment helps to expand our horizons. We learn that we can be present with both positive and negative emotions -- and that we will be OK. Feel what you need to feel without putting a time limit on it to heal.
In this process, you’ll learn more about how to deal with life than you ever imagined. You’ll gain confidence in knowing that you are stronger than you ever thought you could be.
At some point, you’re going to have to move forward. After all, disappointment isn’t the end of life as you know it. It’s just a fork in the road, which lends opportunity to finding a new way to reach or reinvent your desired destination.
According to LifeHack.org, one important thing to remember is that you need to look at the big picture. Figure out where you want to go and recommit to that goal.
And think about the life lessons you have learned in the process. Don’t live in the past. Instead, move forward with a renewed and reworked vision.
Further, make it a point to ask yourself questions. For example, you will want to ask yourself what you can do differently this time around. If you didn’t get a promotion, are there educational goals that you can set to align you for the promotion next time around? And if someone broke your heart, what can you do differently in your next friendship or relationship?