As a result you feel, well, blah.
Fast-forward to sex and you magically turn out the lights, hoping your man won’t see the truth of your flawed glory. Even worse, you sometimes avoid sex like the plague, terrified to show your body at all.
If this sounds like you, you’re definitely not alone. Body image is a sex life killer -- and it’s preying on more women than one would think.
Consider this depressing statistic.
More than half of women avoid sex because they feel so overweight, according to the Daily Mail. In fact, 52 percent said lack of body confidence made them want to avoid sex.
Come on now, it’s no surprise that women feel this way. Really, who wouldn’t?
The Impression that We Get
Magazines we adore display airbrushed images that are anything but real. And let’s not even go there with the average “model” these days. It’s no secret that most of them look emaciated.
The problem is that this has become OUR envisioned norm. Consequently, we frustratingly gaze at our flaws and think “Really, how could any man like this?” As a result, our sex life takes a hit and the “Big O” becomes an “oh, no.”
So other than the media, just what is causing these body image blues? Hint: You won't like the answer.
As archaic as this sounds, it all comes down to our natural inclination to want to please men.
Studies show that women base body image around what they think men want. One such study, conducted through Southern Methodist University, found that women actually interpret pictures of models differently based on what they are told men like. And when women are told men like bigger women, their body image improves.
One word describes this concept. DISTURBING.
Sex is a natural part of life -- and your body image needs to have a leg to stand on in order to enjoy it.
What Men REALLY Think
Your thinking is flawed, In fact, what you think men prefer might not be what they really like at all. To prove it, we talked to three men “of a certain age” to get the dish.
First of all, the coolest men say that perfection simply doesn’t exist. They want you to stop viewing the world through the shadows and start celebrating you.
“Perfection is a personal definition,” says Art Remnet, 53. “She just has to be herself -- the best her, whatever that is.”
This means you need to find the positives in your body and life. Give the negatives the boot. After all, they don’t serve you well.
And in truth, what you’re thinking is probably not what your guy is thinking at all. Because, quite frankly, the best of guys just don’t care about that stuff.
“Guys who really care about you are not analyzing everything. They’re not going to judge what you perceive to be a flaw,” says Mike Hummel, 40. “Every little flaw that you have is what makes you who you are, and that’s what makes us want to have sex with you. At the end of the day, it’s because it’s you.”
Part of this problem falls on our own shoulders. That’s because we never ask what our guy likes about us. Instead, we silently assume that there is nothing of worth when it comes to sexuality.
“Every person has their own beauty. You’ve just got to find out what your partner thinks that beauty is,” says Ralph Dobson, 44. “Find out what drives him crazy. What does he like about you? This will help you to refocus on the positives in yourself when it comes to finding confidence in intimacy.”
Stop the Comparisons
It’s your responsibility to put some effort into boosting your body image. This begins with putting an end to comparisons.
We naturally compare ourselves to other women. And in doing this, we feel inadequate. To boost body image, stop this nonsense.
Who cares what your best friend, neighbor or soccer mom arch nemesis looks like? This is your life. It’s your show -- and you’re the star.
And while you’re at it, try to stop focusing on your body itself. Women think that losing weight or getting a little “work” done is the answer to body image issues. But in many cases, this simply isn’t true.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, “Changing negative body image means more than changing our body. It means changing how we think, feel and react to our body.”
In other words, you’ve got to change how you talk to yourself. It’s easy to ruminate on the negatives, but what good does that really do?
Zip. Zilch. Zero.
When you’re fixated on the negatives of your life and your body, refocus on the positives. Have a positive “self-talk." Promise yourself that you’ll find 10 good things about yourself and your looks -- and write them down.
Further, do yourself a favor and tell your partner how you feel. After all, these issues affect him, too. If you’re too embarrassed to tell him how you feel in person, write him a letter. Ask him to help you find more confidence in the bedroom. His response just might surprise you.
And finally, take a little time to rediscover your spark. Make a date with yourself and do your hair in that sexy way you love. Or put on some lipstick and heels if that’s your thing. You can even dig up some of your favorite tunes and dance with yourself.
Quality “you time” will make you feel good. And when you feel good, you’re going to be a heck of a lot more likely to want to dive into sex with someone else.
Remember these tips the next time you want to sabotage your sex life. After all, you’re the one who is missing out on the pleasure of intimacy. Sex is one of life’s greatest and healthiest gifts -- and you deserve to enjoy it.