Your initial answer may be no. But are you sure?
Abuse can masquerade in many forms. Some forms can be subtle, and other forms can involve obvious physical harm. This means that to protect yourself, you need to be able to recognize both.
Generally speaking, abuse is a double-edged sword. In other words, a person doesn’t have to hurt or threaten physically to engage in the act of abuse.
Signs and Effects of Emotional Abuse
The first form of abuse to be aware of is emotional abuse. This is because emotional abuse is more common than you might think. It affects both men and women -- and lots of them. Unfortunately, many people don’t recognize it.
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), almost half of Americans have experienced some type of emotional abuse. It is often defined as psychologically aggressive behavior by an intimate partner. But it can involve friends and family members, too.
Further, four out of 10 women and men have been subjected to coercive control by a partner or spouse at some point during their lives. And almost 18 percent of women have experienced emotional abuse in the form of a partner or spouse trying to keep them from having contact with family or friends.
Even scarier, these effects are regularly seen in teens and tweens. According to Safe Voices, 26 percent of teenage girls have experienced verbal abuse. That translates to more than one in four teens. Plus, 62 percent of tweens in the age range of 11 to 14 who have dated say they know friends who have been emotionally abused. And even more concerning, only half of tweens know what it means to be in a bad relationship.
The problem is that emotional abuse can be subtle. In some cases, it can even seem like normal behavior associated with anger. For example, Psych Central says that an abuser may attempt to humiliate or embarrass a victim. Abusers may be overly critical or put their partners down. They may even go silent or ignore the victim, which is also considered abusive.
Another form of abuse is mentally confusing behavior. An abuser might turn everything around on you to make issues your fault. As a result, you question your actions and think that you’re wrong.
Emotional abuse can be conditional. Experts say that this can come in the form of saying that “if you don’t do something, they will do something in return.” Further, emotional abuse can be seen in “I love you,” with stipulations attached to the phrase (I love you, but…). A person may even completely withdraw all affection, which is considered abusive.
Emotional abuse can be manipulative. According to Psych Central, one subtle type of this kind of abuse is called “gaslighting.” This occurs when the victim is given false information designed to make them question their own memories and perceptions. It can even cause a victim to question his or her sanity. Denying an event that legitimately took place or even staging events meant to confuse the victim are examples of gaslighting.
Unfortunately, victims of emotional abuse are often afraid to seek help because of its insidious nature, plus self-esteem has been destroyed. This can cause a person to question whether or not the abuse has even taken place.
“Emotional abuse is dangerous when it comes to self-esteem,” says Christopher Holly, a licensed clinical social worker based out of Illinois. “When somebody uses words, it’s just as violent sometimes as somebody who uses a fist. The effects on how a person thinks about themselves and the value they place on themselves can be swept away.”
Signs of Physical Abuse
Another, more discussed form of abuse is physical abuse. According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, it isn’t always possible to determine whether or not a relationship is going to become abusive. People can seem really nice when a relationship begins. But the patterns often unfold in a slow manner, making it more difficult to understand.
The statistics associated with domestic violence are downright terrifying. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), a woman is assaulted or beaten every nine seconds in the United States. Almost 20 people are physically abused by a spouse or partner every single minute. And one-third of women and one-fourth of men have experienced some sort of physical violence from a spouse or partner during their lifetime.
Even more concerning, just 34 percent of victims will get medical treatment for injuries. And 19 percent of these instances will involve a weapon. This makes physical abuse both unpredictable and secretive.
While the NCADV acknowledges that every situation is unique in its own way, there is one common thread that exists in all cases of physical abuse: control. The abuser will just take different routes to obtain what he or she wants.
When it comes to understanding physical abuse, there are a number of things to look for. The first method of abuse occurs when an abuser harms you. This may involve hitting, hair pulling, slapping, biting or choking. In addition, abusers may use weapons in order to instill fear in their victims.
The abuser may also try to keep you from taking care of yourself. For example, he or she might try to prevent you from sleeping or eating. And he or she may try to stop you from calling the police or getting medical treatment if you’re hurt.
Abuse can also be found in the way of controlling the environment. In this case, the abuser might leave you somewhere. Or they might drive recklessly when you’re in a car together. They may even make you drink or take drugs, thus altering your frame of mind.
If you feel that you have been abused, help is available. In the case of emotional abuse, see a therapist, and do it alone. This allows you to tell your side of the story without interference to make an informed decision as to what’s best for you.
If you’ve been physically abused, don’t put off getting help. Seek help immediately, and do not let fear stop you. Experts are trained in how to deal with this type of situation and in how to get you to a safe place where you’ll be protected. You can call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). That said, do not send emails. Experts stress that this is not a safe way to obtain help.