When people think of domestic violence, physical abuse comes to mind. But emotional abuse is just as powerful and destructive. It’s domestic violence in the subtle form.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV), nearly fifty percent of both men and women have experienced emotional abuse (defined as psychologically aggressive behavior) by an intimate partner. And four out of ten women and men have been subject to coercive control by a partner or spouse at some point during their lives. In addition, nearly 18 percent of women have experienced emotional abuse in the form of a partner or spouse trying to prevent them from seeing family or friends.

Unfortunately, these concerning statistics don’t stop with adults. They extend to teens and tweens. 

According to Safe Voices, 26 percent of teenage girls have been verbally abused. That’s over one in four teens. And 62 percent of tweens (defined as those between the ages of 11 and 14) who have dated report knowing friends who have been subject to emotional abuse. Further, just half of tweens even know what a bad relationship entails. 

This brings us to two important questions. First, just what does emotional abuse really entail? And second, what is the boundary between arguing and emotional abuse? Many adults don’t even know the answer to these confusing questions.

“Emotional abuse is when you use words to try to harm somebody to make them feel less than what they are, and when you’re trying to take away their dignity,” says Christopher Holly, a practicing social worker based out of Illinois. “There’s also the aspect of emotional violence as control, which is what people use to control how other people behave.”