When it comes to emotional abuse, this control can be all-consuming. That’s why this type of abuse is so deceitful.
“Typically, abusers are looking for people that they can manipulate and control. But what they’re saying is not reality,” says Holly. “Their theme and hurtful words are a cruelty designed to create control.”
Emotional abuse is dangerous in a number of ways. For starters, it affects how the abused begin to view themselves.
“Emotional abuse is dangerous when it comes to self-esteem,” says Holly. “When somebody uses words, it’s just as violent sometimes as somebody who uses a fist. The effects on how a person thinks about themselves and the value they place on themselves can be swept away.”
In addition, emotional abuse can make it difficult to function in the real world. Simple tasks lead to feelings of doubt as a result of the abuser’s consistent negative reinforcement. “It leaves a person really vulnerable and incapable of handling simple daily challenges or decisions,” says Holly.
Even more confusing, this type of abuse can be both blatant and subtle. “For example, somebody may drop milk on the floor when he or she comes home from the grocery store and the abuser says ‘you’re so stupid, you can’t do anything right.’ That’s outright emotional abuse,” says Holly. “But someone could also silently manipulate a person by not talking to them during an argument. That’s also abusive.”
Holly says that the difference between regular arguing and actual emotional abuse can often come down to the way conflict is handled once the situation at hand has ended.