“If people say things that they don’t mean and then apologize for them, then that’s different. Sometimes people say things when they’re angry that they don’t mean,” says Holly. “But when you say it over and over again, sooner or later you have to consider whether it’s emotionally abusive.”

To determine whether a relationship is emotionally abusive, Holly says there are four questions that should be asked.

1.    Is somebody saying this over and over again even though it doesn’t make sense logically?

2.    Does this person say this over and over again and never say anything nice and kind?

3.    Does he or she ever apologize for saying the things that are wrong?

4.    Does he or she continue to do it despite being told the words hurt?

If it is determined that the person involved is emotionally abusive, one of two things should happen. “Either the abuser needs to get help or the relationship has to end,” says Holly. “It’s that simple.”

If the relationship does end, there is hope that life will once again be healthy in the way of relationships.  “You bounce back by being able to have relationships with appropriate people who have healthy ways of communicating and expressing themselves,” says Holly. “Everybody gets angry, but some people have a better way of expressing it and not creating hurt and distress as a result. Over time, a person’s psyche (the makeup of your psychological perspective on people in the world) is able to heal. And one learns better how to validate oneself.”